Ursula the Undiagnosed

    I'll admit that out of all the times I've thought about having a beautifully written, captivating, and adventure filled blog of my very own, I didn't think I would be sharing the ups and downs of living with a chronic illness. Let me tell you a little about my story...
   
    I was working as a restaurant manger, working 60+ plus hours a week, and under the most stress I've ever been under in my life. I began having lots of stomach issues; days of unending nausea, emergency bathroom visits, and excruciating pain when I would try to eat solid foods. Sometimes I couldn't even tolerate water. I began missing work, losing weight, and basically stopped eating to avoid the pain and discomfort. I knew something was wrong so my support system and I took to the Internet researching my symptoms. Having an idea of what was going on, I headed to a G.I. ready to get some answers. 

    Of course, the visit didn't go as planned. I felt like my concerns and opinions fell on my doctor's deaf ears. But, I left with a list of test and procedures to find out what's really going go. Even though I felt like I knew exactly what was going on. From the beginning of my symptoms my biggest fear was that it was Crohn's disease. But when I mentioned it to my G.I. she made me feel silly for even thinking that, so I listened and continued her treatment plan. A couple weeks later I was being prepped to have my gall bladder removed as it was only functioning at 17%. I was ready to put an end to this thinking once it was removed I would be back to normal... Over a year later, I'm kicking myself for not listening to my GUT instincts (pun intended). Four new G.I's, multiple endoscopies, diet changes, and different prescriptions later and I'm still undiagnosed. 

    Truthfully, I would give this sickness back in a heartbeat but I have to choose not to dwell on that. I know God will never give us more than we can handle and that He will turn every bad thing into good! So when I debate about sharing these hard times or fear what people will think, my spirit reminds me in the darkest nights His light will shine the brightest! The mind has so much power over your physical being and when you learn to rise above the physical realm, it doesn't matter how much it hurts or even how much you've changed, there's a reason for it all. This is by far, one of the most difficult battles I've gone through and dragging my family along with me hurts the most. When tears roll down my face and my husband looks at me with pain his eyes, that's when I feel my lowest. 

    The beautiful thing about the God we serve is He is forever faithful! Even though living with a chronic illness isn't what we wanted, amazing things have come out of all of this. The bond that's being created as I lean on my husband in very humbling ways is strengthening our marriage. Most people vow "in sickness and health" but what does that really mean? 

    I'll continue to share what those vows mean for us as we navigate this treacherous terrain, how it's changed us as individuals and as a married couple. My hope is to inspire others and create a sense of community here. Chronic illness has a way of seemingly, closing you out from the rest of the world. One of my reasons for sharing our story is because I've learned we are not the only ones going through this. Humans aren't meant to walk alone, lets us pray for you and take refuge in knowing someone else truly does understand. 

"I have faith He will heal me. If not on earth, 

there will be a beautiful, flawless, body 

awaiting me in Heaven. No more pain. Only joy!"