It's no easy task to explain the heartache and frustration that comes from diagnosing and healing from an invisible illness. Western medicine scratches it's head when patients come in ill but all tests come back "normal". We are taught to trust medical professionals and their opinions wholeheartedly but what happens when you feel like your concerns are falling on deaf ears. After all, I live in this body full time and you're telling me what I'm feeling isn't real or I'm wrong?!
What happens when you accept the facts that God has given you the power of healing, the power of His kingdom lives inside of you, all that He can do can be done through you? It awakens a light, a fire inside of you that cannot be extinguished. Because He lives in you, you begin to change on a daily basis, from the inside out. Suddenly life doesn't become something that happens to you but something you are happening to!
Let me explain a little more, I've spent nearly the last three years of my 24 year old life so sick, my life stopped moving forward. It got to a point where I literally felt like I was watching life happen around me. My husband going to work, picking up every responsibility of what was once a two person partnership simply because his wife could no longer physically keep up. These trials are not typical of a newlywed couple and certainly wasn't something we ever prepared for. Life is chocked full of ups, downs, and sudden direction changes but throw an invisible illness into the mix, then, its like riding that rollercoaster backwards and blind folded.Even though I am not completley healed, yet, I have learned to not let this illness steal my peace. Are there still days spent in bed? Yes. Are there still nights spent tossing and turning in pain? Yes. Do I feel like it overwhelms me still? Sometimes, but for the most part no. I can't quite put into words all that's changed inside my spirit but I can tell you with utmost confidence that God wants to give you the same peace even in the midst of your storm.
Two years ago when I felt a flare creeping up, I almost surrended to it. After all I know what a flare means for me, an all out assult on my physical body. Unfortunatley, the physical aspect isn't what has changed but how I get through it has! Now I allow the pain to make me run to God, to lean into Holy Spirit in a way I never have before. It wasn't that long ago I would wake up with that heaviness of a chronic illness in it's peaking glory and cry out with such grief, allowing it to strip away the simple beauties that can always be found. If there's one thing I've learned about chronically living it's that it is not a linear process. Instead of focusing on the back slides or your short comings, remind yourself of your progress. Waking up for a new day means another day we conqured! We aren't called chronic illness warriors for no reason. Run to God, rest in His presence, and allow His unwavering strength to flow through you.
Dear Jordan, thank you for the honesty, transparency, and hope in the Lord that your words exemplify and encourage. As a fellow sufferer, on a quite different road, I can perhaps relate more deeply than most. I have had a chronic sleep disorder for more than forty years. I have worked with one of North America's most respected sleep clinicians for nearly thirty-five years. I remain his "most difficult" patient - the one least likely to respond to a particular drug or regimen. But, like you, I have found solace and the strength to endure in Jesus. Something Paul wrote as he talks through what it mean to die and then finally live has been of much comfort to me. He writes to the little Corinthian church -
ReplyDelete"Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day."
Obviously man means all people here, and that is exactly what all of us undergo. You are only in your twenties, but already you are experiencing things usually found in us older people. But you, and David, are developing an intimacy with each other, and with God, that many younger people have yet to yearn for. Suffering makes us either run to God, or from Him. You have chosen wisely and well to run to Him. And by inviting us, all of us who read your words, to trust Him too, you become both ambassador and disciple. Jesus says quite clearly "Whoever does not carry his own cross and come after Me cannot be my disciple." So I pray that you and David will continue to daily pursue the Lord and take joy in proclaiming His wonder and the wonder of His creation! You are on a hard road together, but while there may be pain in the night, joy comes with the morning. Rest in Him!
Your words touch me! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for not just reading my words but taking the time to share with me. God is so intentional with us, guiding our paths to meet. I will add you in my prayers and am remind the we have victory over the night and your sleep shall be sweet!
DeleteI can't tell you how much I desire to share our sweet Jesus with all those I come in contact with so it truly makes my day to read your words. I hope that you will contuine to see Him in my words and I look forward to cultivating community with you.
Healing vibes and prayers sent!