Do you believe me?

    As if living with a chronic illness isn't difficult enough to handle, my eyes have been open to a whole new world of judgement and shame. I'm not talking about the usual gossip girls or the flippant remarks made out of jealousy. No, what I'm talking about is almost a form of abuse coming from someone that is supposed to be a safe place. Imagine the place/ person you were taught to go to when you could no longer handle it on your own, was the very place/ person that is not only judging you but doesn't even believe your sorrows...

    Try walking through life looking "seemingly normal" but using every ounce of energy to do those very "normal' things. Follow this by two days spent in bed recovering, maybe longer, all while worrying how you're going to explain the need for this. What I'm talking about is something I was completely blind to until it directly affected me. I'm telling you, ignorance is NOT bliss! Ignorance fuels stigmas, irrational fears, and someone always ends up hurt. The definition of ignorance is a state of being uninformed (lack of knowledge) or unawareness. 

    So I'll remind myself of this when I question posting about the hard days, the flare ups, the doctors, I'm doing my part in informing! I can't begin to express to you how much my heart aches for us, chronic illness warriors. Our battle is definitely an up- hill one! One thing I've learned very quickly is that medical professionals don't really like dealing with chronic illnesses or auto-immune disease. Its not something that can be easily diagnosed or treated, they can't just write us a script and us on our merry way. Not mention the cost of our "options" are almost always outrageous! Where talking $1000 for one dose of Humira that's given, sometimes, monthly. 

    I have never been treated so poorly by medical professionals until this chronic illness started. Now, I'm not here to turn this blog into my soap box, not at all! I know in my heart of hearts I am NOT the only one going through this and that you more than likely feel alone. There is comfort in knowing someone else not only believes you but truly understands. It can takes years to finally get the correct diagnosis and not only does this cause more physical damage, eventually your mind will start to damage too. 

    What I mean by that is, when you've seen countless doctors, tried so many "options", and have felt sick for months on end without any explanation why, you start to question everything! 

How can I feel so sick and be so young? 
Am I ever going to feel normal again?
Did I do this to myself?
Do you believe me?

    Doctors dismiss your symptoms, call it stress or even worse, your tests results come back "normal" so there must be nothing too serious going on. Living in a body that feels like its battling itself day after day without any answers is maddening! Friends and family can't understand why "they" haven't done anything yet and you are just as stumped as they are. Before you know it your life has become endless google searches and your illness is always the topic of discussion. Even still as I sit and type these words from experiences I never expected to face, I am left without answers. I can't tell you what's wrong but I know something is. 

    It sickens me to think about explaining these difficult times to one more insensitive receptionist, nurse, or doctor! In fact, I've actually been hung up on by office staff after asking for an emergency appointment!! I encourage you to do your research, we MUST be our own advocates! Don't be afraid to share your story, it's worth telling and I can promise you, you're not alone.