"You're not a victim for sharing your story. You are a survivor setting the world on fire with your truth. And you never know who needs your light, your warmth, and raging courage." -Alex Elle
While I can assure you most days I don't feel like I have a raging courage inside me, I know God promises to make all things beautiful! To try and explain the things that change, the grieving process that goes along side with any kind or chronic or invisible illness is almost impossible! There's an isolation that creeps into your soul and repeats a lie that no one understands...
It's that very isolation that burns inside me and throws up all over my keyboard before I've even begun to process that there's are my feelings, my life, my first hand experiences. I'm a day away from my 24th birthday and in many aspects of life I'm abundantly blessed and to the outside it can seem like it's going pretty much "as planned". You know, that glorious highlight reel we all call social media. It's exceptionally good at making the mundane, glamorous and evoking hidden feelings of envy.
Life isn't always beautiful. Now, don't get me wrong, I am most definitely an optimistic person but facts are facts. I've wished, cried, and cussed more days away than I'd like to admit. We don't always have to keep it together. Some days are meant for tears and questions. I truly believe as a woman and wife, the responsibility of maintaining a happy home falls heavy on us. The world teaches us to "keep up with the Jones" and that you better satisfy your man because if you don't another woman will be willing.
Take these "normal" expectations, add a newly wedded couple, and now yank one's ability to keep up and this could easily spell disaster. Three years ago my then boyfriend popped the question in the Grand Canyon on our first 10,000 mile road trip. It was quite literally something out of a movie. I'm not saying this to brag, even though my sweet husband so deserves it, I want to show you what life was like before.
Typically, life plays out where husbands and wives don't have to face health issues and sickness until they've lived most of their lives together. But what happens when sickness hits your one year old marriage? What happens when you wake up at 23 years old and can't make it out of bed? What happens when your boyfriend who's now your husband looks at you with heartbreak in his eyes?
It changes you. There is no denying it. The hardest part is it changes him too.
I honestly cannot comprehend how an individual, let alone a marriage could survive this beautiful nightmare without faith, without knowing God is carrying us even when we can't see it. Health is something only the healthy take for granted but I can promise its something will never take even a second for granted again. The road to healing is one that I can't even see the finish line, yet but I know it's there. So for God, my husband, our future I will fight this battle with everything inside me. & Because I know God is working through our story, I will continue to share regardless of lack of courage. I'm surviving and my truth can set the world on fire.
"Your world's not falling apart, its falling into place. I'm on the Throne. Stop holding on and just be held."
The Virtuous Wife...this is you,Jordan
ReplyDeleteWho can find a virtuous wife?
For her worth is far above rubies.
11 The heart of her husband safely trusts her;
So he will have no lack of gain.
She extends her hand to the poor,
Yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy.
Strength and honor are her clothing;
She shall rejoice in time to come.
26 She opens her mouth with wisdom,
And on her tongue is the law of kindness.
27 She watches over the ways of her household,
And does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children rise up and call her blessed;
Her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many daughters have done well,
But you excel them all.”
30 Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,
But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.
31 Give her of the fruit of her hands,
And let her own works praise her in the gates.